Phone in a new name for an old timer
By Li Huang
When’s the last time you made a call with your phone?
Can’t recall? You’re not alone. Many people on their phones are skimming through texts, shuffling through apps, taking photos, and recording footage. How often do you ever actually use your mobile device as a phone? Why is it even still called a phone? It’s like calling a car a horseless carriage. It’s outdated and silly.
Like many other aspects of life that originated before the turn of the millennium, phone calls have become less preferred, if not obsolete. Methods of communication have since expanded onto texting and video chatting formats on the computer. If you ask around, you’ll find that some even purposefully avoid picking up and let their callers leave messages on voicemail.
Avoiding the “phone” in smartphone isn’t a filthy habit… it’s just leaving the old, rusty bike in the garage for a new shiney, electric one. What’s debatable though is how we address these very intimate devices that fit so nicely in our palms.
There are many phrases that have managed to outlive their literal meaning. We “type” but not on typewriters. We “rewind” things that weren’t unwound. We listen to internet radio that doesn’t run on radio waves. We CC (Carbon copy) people on emails when there’s no carbon paper on our desks.
When we say that something is “run-of-the-mill,” it indicates that the subject is mundane. Similarly, “hold your horses” usually means to slow down. Mills certainly are not as commonplace as they used to be, and unless you’re father is Prince Charles you’re probably not riding horses too often. So why do we call the device that we carry around daily a “phone” when we don’t even use it to make calls anymore?
We shouldn’t. At least not at the moment. We are in a transitional phase in mobile tech history, where televisions are replaced with Apple TVs and where the “phone” as we now know it is shedding the skin of previous generations and leaving enough residue to undermine its definition. Maybe in 50 years human civilization will look back and anchor mobile devices with greater clarity or brand it with another term altogether. But as for now, we are still in the mold when it comes to whether we should call these mobile devices “phones” or otherwise.
So what exactly should we call these things that we carelessly carry around in our pockets day in, day out? The conforming mind would most likely always refer to it as a “phone” whereas those who are more liberal wouldn’t have a problem with different term. But hey, in a few decades, what we now call “phones” might be able to execute amazing feats such as supporting photorealistic games and substitute as a personalized med pack. What would they be called then?
Since they’re more like tiny computers or gadgets and stick to us more closely than some pets do, we should be calling our mobile devices/smartphones “Vices.” No, no. Not the “immoral” or “wicked” definition of the word. The other meaning. A substitute. As in “Vice President.” There is poetic justice in calling them Vices. Phones now substitute for many things we used to attribute to multiple devices. Moreover, we would call a previous significant other an “Ex” instead of an “Ex-girlfriend/Ex-boyfriend.” So why not abbreviate that which adheres to us both physically and psychologically into one catchy, finely honed term?
It’s official. Fueled has placed its stamp on the future coining of our “mobile devices.” They will be called Vices from now and on. Any disputes and complaints filed will be redirected to a waiting line longer than those of the DMV for screening.
